Too much Christmas spirit rankles neighbors

(Reuters Life!) - Mike Babick's display of Christmas spirit has grown too popular for some neighbors, who complain his expanding array of lights and holiday figures draw some unwelcome gawkers.

Babick's passion for the holiday has driven him to adorn his modest one-story home in this Kansas City suburb with more than a thousand figures housed in display cases that go up to his rooftop.

Babick, 69, said his display requires a month to set up and draws some 250,000 visitors each year based on a vehicle-counter he installed on his street.

"It's a gigantic Christmas present to everyone -- from me," Babick said in an interview.

But some neighbors say Babick's Yuletide creation has become too popular. Cars, limousines and tour buses sometimes block the street and driveways. Visitors trudge across their lawns, with some pausing to relieve themselves.

"There are too many people any more who don't have respect for others," said Bob Myhre, who lives two doors down.

In response to complaints from some 30 residents, police made Babick's block temporarily one-way and put up no-parking signs, but that has not stopped visitors from parking in private driveways.

"We're not anti-Christmas, nobody's anti-Christmas," said Myhre, who has a modest light display on his home.

Jessie Novak, who lives across the street, said the traffic drawn to Babick's display is bothersome but tolerable.

"I would move if it wasn't there," Novak said of the display. "I know it's crazy and out of the norm, but I really enjoy it. It would beat any store window in New York."

Babick tries to keep cars moving and picks up litter nightly, saying he understands neighbors' concerns.

"There are only a couple of Grinches in the whole bunch," he said.

"We do have a lot of frowns turn to smiles," he said. "What I really like to see is the kids -- the laughing and the smiling. That's my reward."

Brought to you by the corrupt, sick, twisted Lots of Jokes News Room. Updated regularly to bring you the news that matters!


Man Gives Up On Women

April 10, 2003 - Atlanta, USA

Atlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has given up the life long struggle to figure out what women really want. This came after a recently published report estimating American corporations had spent over $1 billion dollars in 2001 to determine what want women want from their products and marketing, and had largely failed. "If combining rooms full of highly skilled experts and truckloads of money can't figure these women out, how on earth is the typical blue collar man with $28,000 after tax dollars a year supposed to?" said Mr. Ross during an interview with Atlanta news reporters. "It may be that these women themselves have no idea what they are looking for or what will win them over. Many admit to having the exact same qualities in one man be endearing, while in another, off-putting." Mr. Ross's web site has generated over 32,000 letters of support from other men in its guest book since his announcement earlier in the day.


Owner of Perfect House Lives in CarSeptember 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USA

In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. �I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.� Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, �If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I�m willing to pay.�


Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign

September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA

In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle."


Worlds Cheapest Tip

September 1, 2002 - Arkansas, USA

An Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When questioned the man replied, "I had just returned from a trip to India and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency." Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, "His excuse is weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still need bills. His tip wasn't even a percent!"


Man Sues Coffee Shop for Ice Mocha Mishap

August 26, 2002 - Michigan, USA

After spilling an iced coffee beverage onto his lap while driving from a local coffee shop drive-through a Michigan man is now suing the shop for $800,000 in damages and mental anguish. The man claimed it was a "traumatic experience" that has negatively altered his life in many ways. He claims that he was unaware of the frigid temperature of his Ice Mocha or he would have taken better precautions with handling the beverage. The coffee shop owner said during our interview, "Anyone who doesn't know the temperature of a drink that has the word 'ice' in its name has much more important things to worry about than a moment of discomfort due to his own negligence. He sustained no physical harm, there were no damages to his vehicle or possessions except a brown stain on his pants, which I am sure is something he is used to."


Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Female ManikinAugust 19, 2002 - Georgia, USA

A man resembling a giant kid was arrested Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women�s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle the manikin�s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said "I couldn't help it, she had the nicest set of tits I�ve seen in a long time."


Impolite Movie Goer Beaten To DeathAugust 12, 2002 - Michigan, USA

Movie enthusiast Brad Densley was admitted to the emergency room of a local Michigan hospital Thursday evening, and was later pronounced dead. This was after being brutally beaten in a movie theatre for answering his mobile phone during a pivotal moment in the movie's plot. Right away the whimsical monotone song the cell phone rang to immediately started people hissing and moving around in their seats. "As soon as I heard Jingle Bells from across the theatre in mid August, I wanted to hurt someone." said one audience member with a notable look of anger and hatred in his face. But when Mr. Densley then answered the phone, began talking pleasantries in an almost normal voice and proceeded to relay a shopping list to his wife, the audience went absolutely nuts. "It was when he started with the shopping list and he got down to the third item which was, I dunno, milk or something. I really wanted to stick that phone up his ass. Everyone started plowing over rows of seats to get to the guy and ring his neck, including myself." commented one person involved in the beating. "From the moment I saw him in the front lobby I knew he was an arrogant loser from his ill coordinated NY Yankees hat and LA Lakers t-shirt." Stated one man who was able to get a few kidney shots into Mr. Densley before leaving the theatre in disgust on Thursday. When interviewing the wife of Mr. Densley she stated, "This sort of thing has happened before and each time I was beyond embarrassed. But I never thought it would escalate from minor fist fights and kicking matches to the point where he looses his life. I am disappointed that the theatre staff looked the other way and did nothing to prevent my husband's death, with one usher in fact joining in on the beatings." Six men and two women were later charged and sentenced to appear in court, eleven others were issued warnings.


Airlines Take Cost Cutting to New LowsAugust 5, 2002 - Mississippi, USA

In an effort to cut costs, major airlines are resorting to cutting back even the smallest of items to curb expenditures. One in particular is the removal of barf bags on flights commencing August. "Annual savings are expected to exceed $450,200US", stated investor relations manager Carol Bauer, "The small percentage who actually use them are increasing ticket prices for the rest." But outraged motion sickness prone travelers had a less enthusiastic view of the matter. "I guess I will just have to hurl onto the meal tray. Frankly, based on my last flight, I don't think the Saut�ed Pork and vegetable melody will look much different if I did." said one angry traveler. When the airlines were asked what they expected passengers to do in the event of motion sickness they replied, "Users of our planes who are prone to such sensitivities should bring with them preventative medicines and appropriate containers, we are not operating a flying hospital."


Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 YearsJuly 29, 2002 - Florida, USA
In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. "At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money - but that didn't work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn't promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can't because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up."


Publisher Releases Guide to Kicking CatsJuly 25, 2002 - USA

The 45 page colour instructional book entitled "Kicking Cats" guides men through the process of kicking cats down flights of stairs without repercussions from their spouse or girlfriends. "It isn't as easy as one would think to successfully do and get away with", comments author John Moore. "I was caught numerous times by my at the time girlfriends and eventually became determined to develop a fail-proof process. This book represents years of studying, practicing, research and an estimated 150 test cats. At first I was somewhat alarmed by my dislike for cats, when considering how much my girlfriends and ex-wife liked them. But after talking to scores of other men about my pent up feelings of anger towards cats, I realized I was far from alone. That is why the introduction goes into great detail about the history of cat kicking and some of the current theories on men's hatred of cats. The secret to a successful kick is to first befriend the cat, building its trust in you. It is when the cat is truly relaxed and comfortable around you that you can then angle it towards the stair case for a mighty punt."


Pope visits Lake SimcoeJuly 22, 2002 - Ontario, Canada

Not only is it part of the Popes job to visit many parts of the globe, but it is also his passionate goal to see as many places as he can in his life time. When questioned, as to what brought him to Lake Simcoe he replied "Well, I have been everywhere on my 'must see' list; 'could be nice' list; 'well, what the hey' list and 'its so cheap I can't afford not to' list, now I'm basically going through all the places I really never wanted to go to."


AOL Advert Campaign Actor Dies of BoredomJuly 22, 2002 - California, USA

Jeffery Goldstein, the actor whose embarrassing line "I love when it says 'You've got mail', won him enemies the world over, passed away last night due to extreme unbelievable boredom. When questioning his mother about her son she stated, "What he said in the ad was actually true, he would spend hours a day signing up for spam lists, newsletters, write e-cards to himself and even post messages on bulletin boards asking others to spam his email address just so he could hear that retched 'You've got mail'". His mother continued on to explain the cause of the death, "But when the speakers attached to his computer stopped working last night, a few hours after the last 'You've got mail', he slipped into a boredom induced death spiral. The doctor said the symptoms of his death are similar to thousands others who were listening to the latest Celine Dion album."


Lack of Talent Contest Being Held for Next Batch of Mac CommercialsJuly 22, 2002 - New York, USA
Apple's new "Switch" television ad campaign, featuring people who didn't quite know what to do with a Windows based PC that moved to that Mac platform, will continue into the summer season. In order to find actors similarly dense and ignorant to the ones featured in the first batch of commercials, Apple will be holding a Lack of Talent contest. Campaign producer Ted Zielchman commented, "All of the actors we were getting from the talent agencies were too intelligent, and these are people who are usually rejected based on lack of intelligence, so we are faced with a unique problem. I believe though, based on the applicants for the contest so far, we have some likely candidates. Some were unable to even spell their name and had that 'not so bright look on their face' - consistent with the first batch of actors we used. The first batch were easy to find, we visited the local district Mac Club. After that we simply had a hard time finding anyone willing to admit being an Apple user."


Original material �Copyright 2002-2003 Visca Corporation. All rights reserved. Lots of Jokes News Articles are for amusement purposes only, not intended as an actual news service. News articles, events and people are fictitious and resemblance to real people is strictly coincidental. Articles are not a reflection on any actual real events they may be based on.

Brought to you by the corrupt, sick, twisted Lots of Jokes News Room. Updated regularly to bring you the news that matters! Man Gives Up On Women April 10, 2003 - Atlanta, USA Atlanta native auto mechanic Michael Ross publicly declares that he has given up the life long struggle to figure out what women really want. This came after a recently published report estimating American corporations had spent over $1 billion dollars in 2001 to determine what want women want from their products and marketing, and had largely failed. "If combining rooms full of highly skilled experts and truckloads of money can't figure these women out, how on earth is the typical blue collar man with $28,000 after tax dollars a year supposed to?" said Mr. Ross during an interview with Atlanta news reporters. "It may be that these women themselves have no idea what they are looking for or what will win them over. Many admit to having the exact same qualities in one man be endearing, while in another, off-putting." Mr. Ross's web site has generated over 32,000 letters of support from other men in its guest book since his announcement earlier in the day. Owner of Perfect House Lives in CarSeptember 18, 2002 - Baltimore, USA In fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan. �I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.� Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, �If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I�m willing to pay.� Elderly Man Sued for Stopping at Stop Sign September 9, 2002 - Atlanta, USA In a case possibly first of its kind, 67 year old Arthur Thompson is being sued by 32 year old Lynn Manaouski for stopping at a 4-way stop sign. In her statement she described how she came up to the intersection leading into her downtown condo, and rear ended the driver in front of her due to his 'complete and full stop'. She continues to say that of the almost 2 years of living in that particular condominium complex, she had not once been behind someone who had made a full stop at the stop sign, and that his inability to be 'consistent with typical driving patterns' caused the accident. As a result, she is convinced that Mr. Thompson is directly responsible for the accident and should be held accountable for all incurred costs of repair to both vehicles. When reminded that it is the law to make a complete stop at a stop sign, her abrupt response was "I am quite capable of deciding when it is a good or bad time to stop my vehicle." Worlds Cheapest Tip September 1, 2002 - Arkansas, USA An Arkansas primary school teacher has been declared the worlds cheapest tipper after ordering more than $250 worth of food and drinks for his wife and self and leaving a 5 rupee tip. Rupee, an Indian currency, is worth approximately 0.02 of an American dollar. When questioned the man replied, "I had just returned from a trip to India and I had mistaken the coins for more valuable American currency." Relaying this to the offended waitress she responded, "His excuse is weak, since when would you be cracking out foreign coins (that do not even resemble American money) as a tip for a $250 dollar dinner? There is no way with a bill like that you would use coins to tip at the customary 10%-15%, and even tipping at something like 3% would still need bills. His tip wasn't even a percent!" Man Sues Coffee Shop for Ice Mocha Mishap August 26, 2002 - Michigan, USA After spilling an iced coffee beverage onto his lap while driving from a local coffee shop drive-through a Michigan man is now suing the shop for $800,000 in damages and mental anguish. The man claimed it was a "traumatic experience" that has negatively altered his life in many ways. He claims that he was unaware of the frigid temperature of his Ice Mocha or he would have taken better precautions with handling the beverage. The coffee shop owner said during our interview, "Anyone who doesn't know the temperature of a drink that has the word 'ice' in its name has much more important things to worry about than a moment of discomfort due to his own negligence. He sustained no physical harm, there were no damages to his vehicle or possessions except a brown stain on his pants, which I am sure is something he is used to." Man Arrested for Sexually Assaulting Female ManikinAugust 19, 2002 - Georgia, USA A man resembling a giant kid was arrested Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women�s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle the manikin�s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said "I couldn't help it, she had the nicest set of tits I�ve seen in a long time." Impolite Movie Goer Beaten To DeathAugust 12, 2002 - Michigan, USA Movie enthusiast Brad Densley was admitted to the emergency room of a local Michigan hospital Thursday evening, and was later pronounced dead. This was after being brutally beaten in a movie theatre for answering his mobile phone during a pivotal moment in the movie's plot. Right away the whimsical monotone song the cell phone rang to immediately started people hissing and moving around in their seats. "As soon as I heard Jingle Bells from across the theatre in mid August, I wanted to hurt someone." said one audience member with a notable look of anger and hatred in his face. But when Mr. Densley then answered the phone, began talking pleasantries in an almost normal voice and proceeded to relay a shopping list to his wife, the audience went absolutely nuts. "It was when he started with the shopping list and he got down to the third item which was, I dunno, milk or something. I really wanted to stick that phone up his ass. Everyone started plowing over rows of seats to get to the guy and ring his neck, including myself." commented one person involved in the beating. "From the moment I saw him in the front lobby I knew he was an arrogant loser from his ill coordinated NY Yankees hat and LA Lakers t-shirt." Stated one man who was able to get a few kidney shots into Mr. Densley before leaving the theatre in disgust on Thursday. When interviewing the wife of Mr. Densley she stated, "This sort of thing has happened before and each time I was beyond embarrassed. But I never thought it would escalate from minor fist fights and kicking matches to the point where he looses his life. I am disappointed that the theatre staff looked the other way and did nothing to prevent my husband's death, with one usher in fact joining in on the beatings." Six men and two women were later charged and sentenced to appear in court, eleven others were issued warnings. Airlines Take Cost Cutting to New LowsAugust 5, 2002 - Mississippi, USA In an effort to cut costs, major airlines are resorting to cutting back even the smallest of items to curb expenditures. One in particular is the removal of barf bags on flights commencing August. "Annual savings are expected to exceed $450,200US", stated investor relations manager Carol Bauer, "The small percentage who actually use them are increasing ticket prices for the rest." But outraged motion sickness prone travelers had a less enthusiastic view of the matter. "I guess I will just have to hurl onto the meal tray. Frankly, based on my last flight, I don't think the Saut�ed Pork and vegetable melody will look much different if I did." said one angry traveler. When the airlines were asked what they expected passengers to do in the event of motion sickness they replied, "Users of our planes who are prone to such sensitivities should bring with them preventative medicines and appropriate containers, we are not operating a flying hospital." Man Never Misses Trip To Gym For 5 YearsJuly 29, 2002 - Florida, USA In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Florida man hired a hit man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his 3 weekly workouts for the past 5 years. "At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn't waste the money - but that didn't work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn't promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go, like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I've never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit man. Now that I want to stop, I can't because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up." Publisher Releases Guide to Kicking CatsJuly 25, 2002 - USA The 45 page colour instructional book entitled "Kicking Cats" guides men through the process of kicking cats down flights of stairs without repercussions from their spouse or girlfriends. "It isn't as easy as one would think to successfully do and get away with", comments author John Moore. "I was caught numerous times by my at the time girlfriends and eventually became determined to develop a fail-proof process. This book represents years of studying, practicing, research and an estimated 150 test cats. At first I was somewhat alarmed by my dislike for cats, when considering how much my girlfriends and ex-wife liked them. But after talking to scores of other men about my pent up feelings of anger towards cats, I realized I was far from alone. That is why the introduction goes into great detail about the history of cat kicking and some of the current theories on men's hatred of cats. The secret to a successful kick is to first befriend the cat, building its trust in you. It is when the cat is truly relaxed and comfortable around you that you can then angle it towards the stair case for a mighty punt." Pope visits Lake SimcoeJuly 22, 2002 - Ontario, Canada Not only is it part of the Popes job to visit many parts of the globe, but it is also his passionate goal to see as many places as he can in his life time. When questioned, as to what brought him to Lake Simcoe he replied "Well, I have been everywhere on my 'must see' list; 'could be nice' list; 'well, what the hey' list and 'its so cheap I can't afford not to' list, now I'm basically going through all the places I really never wanted to go to." AOL Advert Campaign Actor Dies of BoredomJuly 22, 2002 - California, USA Jeffery Goldstein, the actor whose embarrassing line "I love when it says 'You've got mail', won him enemies the world over, passed away last night due to extreme unbelievable boredom. When questioning his mother about her son she stated, "What he said in the ad was actually true, he would spend hours a day signing up for spam lists, newsletters, write e-cards to himself and even post messages on bulletin boards asking others to spam his email address just so he could hear that retched 'You've got mail'". His mother continued on to explain the cause of the death, "But when the speakers attached to his computer stopped working last night, a few hours after the last 'You've got mail', he slipped into a boredom induced death spiral. The doctor said the symptoms of his death are similar to thousands others who were listening to the latest Celine Dion album." Lack of Talent Contest Being Held for Next Batch of Mac CommercialsJuly 22, 2002 - New York, USA Apple's new "Switch" television ad campaign, featuring people who didn't quite know what to do with a Windows based PC that moved to that Mac platform, will continue into the summer season. In order to find actors similarly dense and ignorant to the ones featured in the first batch of commercials, Apple will be holding a Lack of Talent contest. Campaign producer Ted Zielchman commented, "All of the actors we were getting from the talent agencies were too intelligent, and these are people who are usually rejected based on lack of intelligence, so we are faced with a unique problem. I believe though, based on the applicants for the contest so far, we have some likely candidates. Some were unable to even spell their name and had that 'not so bright look on their face' - consistent with the first batch of actors we used. The first batch were easy to find, we visited the local district Mac Club. After that we simply had a hard time finding anyone willing to admit being an Apple user." Original material �Copyright 2002-2003 Visca Corporation. All rights reserved. Lots of Jokes News Articles are for amusement purposes only, not intended as an actual news service. News articles, events and people are fictitious and resemblance to real people is strictly coincidental. Articles are not a reflection on any actual real events they may be based on.

Spiritual watchman of erupting Merapi staying put, says no danger

MOUNT MERAPI, Central Java (AP): As thousands of people flee Indonesia’s erupting Mount Merapi, the 80-year-old man entrusted by Javanese royalty to watch over the volcano’s spirits is going nowhere — and insists the mountain is safe.

“There is no risk,” Maridjan said outside his home just six kilometers from the crater, which was billowing ash and searing hot gas clouds Monday. “I am still waiting here.”
…

He leads yearly ceremonies when rice and flowers are thrown into the crater to appease spirits that he and most other nearby villagers believe live over the mountain, which rises from the heart of Indonesia’s mystical island of Java.

Funny Letter Jokes

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears. “What’s the matter?” asked her companion. “Oh dear,” sobbed Auntie, “It’s my favorite nephew. He’s got three feet.” “Three feet?” exclaimed her friend. “Surely that’s not possible?” “Well,” said Auntie, “his mother’s just written to tell me he’s grown another foot !”

Letter Joke 60
Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well, Grandma’s very deaf, so I m writing very loudly.

Miss quits class for porn carrer

LONDON: Stunning brunette Liselle Bailey left teaching a year ago to produce and star in explicit adult films. Now the North London beauty's new career has been rumbled by many of her ex-students - who have stumbled upon her hardcore videos on the internet.

And they are full of praise for their old tutor - many posting messages of support online.One former pupil called Daniel wrote: "Love you, Bailey. Good luck on the new job,"

Another added: "Best English teacher ever. Best career move. Well done." Liselle, 30, said: "I have gone from teacher to teaser. It may not be a traditional career path, but it is the right one for me."The former Miss taught English and Drama at Grindon Hall Christian School in Sunderland.

But after four years she resigned to become a supply teacher in London hoping she would have more time to focus on her dream of an acting career.

Finally, last year, she was offered a job making porn films for women. She now directs and stars in films produced by London-based Joybear Pictures and also makes films for Television X.She told Love It! magazine of being a director: "With each film I made, my confidence grew.

"Telling the actors which positions and sex acts I wanted wasn't difficult. I really was a natural."During the day, I did my supply teaching. At night I switched to my much more satisfying 'dirty work'." She also revealed the moment when she first became a porn actress herself explaining how she joined in with a lesbian scene she was directing.

World's smallest car the 'Wind Up' built by British constructor

LONDON: British constructor Perry Watkins has assembled officially the world's smallest licensed car - and it has a top speed of 60kph.

At just 41 inches high, 51 inches long and a seemingly impossible 26 inches wide, the miniscule motor is in danger of being overpowered by other vehicles on the road.

But Watkins has made sure that his 'Wind Up' mini car has enough power to compete with the larger cars, with a top speed of 60kph (37mph).

Though it may not be enough to hold its own on the German autobahns, the car features seat belts and has a few flames licking the side of the car, for added 'cool factor'.

The body comes from a repainted children's ride, while the chassis is borrowed from a Shanghai Shenke quad bike. Meanwhile, the tyres are more regularly seen on Monkey motorcycles.

This isn't the first time that Mr Watkins has devised a strange vehicle, after his 'Flatmobile' was unveiled a couple of years ago. It stood at just 19 inches high and could reach speeds of 100mph.

The car will be shown off at a motoring show in Essen, Germany, on November 27.

Heel of a shoe goes on sale

LONDON: Shoppers are set to go gaga for these stanking nine inch heels Consumer demand for the monster stompers has rocketed ever since pop star Lady Gaga stuck her head in the clouds in her own sky-high heels.

The platforms will be the highest available on the High Street.

The aptly-named 'Sky Heel' will cost under £40 when they go on sale next year in sparkly red or gold at trendy shoe shop Parmars.

A spokesman for the firm said the design was inspired "by the catwalk, for the sidewalk". He added: "The Sky Heel was fuelled by customer demand to mimic the celebrity look.

"We've seen the five-inch and six-inch, and we've even seen the seven-inch heel. The trend is bigger, bigger, bigger - and the Sky Heel is the biggest of them all."

Boy, 6, and girl, 5, 'married' in church... to help primary school pupils learn to write

LONDON: A primary school has married a five-year-old girl and a six-year-old boy in a bizarre wedding staged to help pupils write better. And it even had a stag and hen night - complete with the bride wearing an 'L' plate.

Staff at Warndon Primary School in Worcester came up with the idea so that pupils could then write about their experiences and boost their vocabulary.However, the stunt has sparked fury from some education and Christian campaigners who have branded it crazy and the sexualisation of children.

But the school has been backed by the local council.The unusual nuptials were carried out in the local parish church, with a vicar, registrar and with parents watching. A Mercedes car was donated to take the happy couple to church for the ceremony which was followed by a full reception.Pupils Callie Geary, five, and six-year-old Gethyn Fox were joined in holy matrimony on Thursday last week.

The Friday before that teachers took them and the rest of the Year One class from the school on a stag and hen night at a bowling alley.

The night even included five-year-old Callie wearing an 'L' plate to get in the spirit of things.

At a service attended by parents and pupils Callie and Gethyn were married at the local church St Wulstan's by the Rev Sue Pollard, who was ordained in 2009 and has been at the parish for two years.

Sarah Allen, 29, deputy head, said the event was staged to encourage writing skills in the children.She said: 'Year One staff came up with idea for the wedding theme.'There was a small fee for the bowling hen and stag night but everything else was donated or made by us.

'The idea was that children will be able to write about their experiences, so having the wedding was perfect. They had to plan everything and then experience it as well.'I even had a five-year-old asking me about a fishtail dress design for the wedding dress. How about that for vocabulary? 'The car was free, the cake was made for free, members of staff donated dresses, and parents and children made food for the buffet.

'The children have been learning about everything from invitations to how to book a honeymoon.' Pupils were given tasks from designing table decorations and the wedding dress to organising a wedding breakfast and reception. A honeymoon was even planned for the happy couple with youngsters voting for a beach because it was hot.

Allen said: 'The children elected who they wanted to be bride and groom. For the honeymoon most children wanted to go to a beach resort "because it's hot" and get there by car "because it's quick". 'Mercedes lent us a car and driver to get the bride and the father of the bride to the church. The wedding cake was lovely and the speeches went down a treat.'We weren't inspired to do this by Prince William and Kate Middleton getting engaged, but perhaps they were inspired by us.

'Perhaps someone would like to sponsor us for another wedding next year?'The Rev Pollard said she was delighted to take part, but was a little daunted because it was not something she had done before.'I wanted to show the children how wonderful a Christian wedding could be and to show the benefits of stable and committed relationships,' she added.

"Of course they are only five and six and we had to adapt the words for children's language. Everyone was very good and very well behaved. 'For the local school to share their learning and teaching with ours is a positive message that it was fun.'But Nick Seaton, chairman for the Campaign For Real Education, said: 'I think this is crazy. If children need to be taught to improve their writing the way to do that should be through learning grammar, spelling and through reading.

'I hate to think what this wedding has cost us, maybe not directly but in terms of wasted hours of staff time and the children's time in the classroom.'Religious groups have also expressed their fury at the idea. Stephen Green, from Christian Voice, said: 'It seems like a really peculiar idea. There is this question about how the idea of being "married" plays in a five and six-year-old's mind.

'Marriage is for grown ups and this is a worrying idea to have this wedding for kids in these days when we seem to have the increasing sexualisation of our children.I'm not sure why a teacher is encouraging children to handle these kind of emotions. You have to start thinking what is going on in that teacher's mind?

'This is going far beyond teaching children to read and write. There is some sub-text here, and I would question the emotional state of the teachers concerned.' But Councillor Marcus Hart, Worcestershire County Council's Cabinet Member for Education, said: 'It's fantastic to see this kind of creativity in our schools. It gives the pupils an opportunity to experience something new, which, by writing about it, not only stimulates their imaginations but expands their knowledge and understanding of language as well'.

Wife buys beer-collecting book for husband

LONDON: What a brew-ha-ha: Wife buys beer-collecting book for husband... who then spends 35 years filling their home with 6,788 cans It is the dream of millions of men to live in a house filled to the brim with beer cans.

For Nick West, that dream is a reality, even if all the tins are empty. The Lloyds Bank worker, 51, has a collection of 6,788 British beer cans in his home in Clevedon, North Somerset.

He even forked out £1,240 for one of the first cans produced in Britain, a half-pint of Felinfoel pale ale from a brewery in South Wales.

His obsession stems back to Christmas 1975 when his future wife Deborah bought him a book about collecting beer cans when they were both 16.

West said: 'Deborah sort of encouraged me and has regretted it ever since. She wasn't very happy when we had to move house to find somewhere bigger for the collection.

'She said that if we had stayed where we were, we would have paid off the mortgage by now.' The West family's last home had to have an extension built to house the ever-growing collection. Their latest, in Clevedon, is a five-bedroom Victorian property.

There are no prizes for guessing that the largest bedroom has gone not to Mr and Mrs West, nor to either of their children, Emma, 23, and Tom, 21, but to beer cans that are stacked from floor to ceiling.

West does, however, drink the beer in the cans - although it is not simply a case of tugging off the ring pull and drinking the contents before placing the can in his collection.

He said: 'You pierce the bottom with two holes, drain out the contents, drink them if you wish, then photograph the can for your records and find it the right place on the shelves.

'Cans with widgets are a nightmare because they tend to spray their contents all over the ceiling, which isn't good.'

He began his collection with a small grey can of Heineken - brought home by his parents - and has since attempted to obtain an example of every sort of canned beer ever produced in Britain, including special offers and commemorative promotions, by scouring eBay and the internet.

A TRIP TO REGRET CITY

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. This is my annual "Guilt Trip."

I got tickets to fly there on "WISH-I-HAD" airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my "baggage," which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was loaded down with a thousand memories of "what might have been."

No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town. As I checked into the "Last Resort" Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event -- the annual "Pity Party." I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there. First, there would be the "Done" family; you know, "Should Have," "Would Have" and "Could Have." Then came the "I Had" family. You probably know old "Wish" and his clan. Of course, the "Opportunities" family; "Missed and Lost," would be present. The biggest family there would be the "Yesterday's." There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share. Of course, "Shattered Dreams" would surely make and appearance. "It's Their Fault" family would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in their life. Each story would be loudly applauded by the "Don't Blame Me" and "I Couldn't Help It" committee.

To make a long story short, I went to this depressing party, knowing full well there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that this trip and subsequent "pity parties" COULD be canceled by ME! I started to realize that I did not have to be there. And I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as being encouraging. Knowing this, I left Regret City immediately, and didn't leave a forwarding address. Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no way to undo them. So, if you're planning a trip back to Regret City, please cancel all those reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a nice place called: "Starting Again."

I like it so much that I made it my permanent residence. My neighbors, the "Been Forgiven" and the "We're Saved" are so very helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around the heavy baggage anymore either. That load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. Just thank God for salvation. If you need directions, just look into your heart, and enter by "Grace Way." No taxes or other cost. God's Son Jesus Christ paid the price, in full, for all sins and transgressions, a long time ago. Look me up if you're ready for a total change in your life. I now live on "His Will Way."

New York City Considers Cab-Driver Dress Code

New York City cabbies' gruff demeanors and scruffy appearances are as storied as the black-and-yellow taxis they pilot, but some city regulators are trying to polish that image by implementing dress code for the city's fleet of drivers, according to the  Associated press

Drivers who violate the regulations by donning banned items, such as tube shirts, tank tops or bathing trunks, could be fined. Although regulations like this are tough to implement among such a mobile set of employees, the policy is an attempt to communicate professional standards, said David S. Yassky, the Taxi andlimousine commission chairman in an interview with the New York Times.

New York isn't the first metropolis to try and control the taxi experience for visitors.

During 2008's Olympic games, Beijing banned all  taxi driver with shaved heads.

The move was just one of many restrictions imposed on the city's 70,000 taxi drivers that summer. That same year, women couldn't don hairstyles that were too fancy and were forbidden to wear earrings. Similarly, eating, smoking and spitting were banned in all of the city's taxis, weired asia news tells us.

In London, some of the world's best - and most opinionated - cabbies have been asked to shut up, according to the telegraph.

In March, regulators in the city were considering extra training for new black cab drivers that will teach them when to stop talking, in addition to other basic customer service skills such as greeting customers and managing hectic situations.

This would add on to the cabbies' nearly three years of training to memorize the winding, twisty streets of the old European city, an acquisition known as "the Knowledge." That arcane training, however, doesn't necessarily prepare taxi drivers for more modern dilemmas - like conserving fuel or assisting disabled passengers.

Bangladesh closes factories for World Cup

DHAKA (Reuters) – Authorities in soccer crazy Bangladesh on Monday asked all manufacturing factories in and around the capital Dhaka to suspend operations each evening until the end of the World Cup in South Africa.

“We have issued the order to the factories to switch off for five hours every evening in a desperate move to save electricity so people can watch the play on televisions,” said Saleh Ahmed, managing director of the Dhaka Electric Supply Company.

“This is an undesirable decision from an economic point of view but we were rather compelled,” he told reporters.

The month-long World Cup finishes on July 11.

Although Bangladesh, ranked 157th in the world, lost 6-1 to Tajikistan in a two-legged first round Asian zone qualifier for this year’s finals, the country’s young and old, in urban and rural areas, just go crazy whenever the finals are held.

Gorillaz: Escape to Plastic Beach

Outrun the cops, evade the El Camino, attempt daring underwater rescues and use the Doom Glider to foil 2D’s escape attempts from Plastic Beach

Escape to Plastic Beach tells the story of Gorillaz journey from the mainland to their new home on Plastic Beach. The game starts by recreating the thrilling events of ‘Stylo’ and sees Murdoc, 2D and Cyborg Noodle on their journey to Plastic Beach, evading cops and the El Camino. The game then continues underwater, taking players direct to Plastic Beach HQ. Once you have arrived at Plastic Beach use the Doom Glider to foil 2D’s increasingly inventive escape attempts from Plastic Beach whilst dodging ghost pirate ships.

Shop owner sells himself winning lottery ticket

BELLE VERNON, Pa. — A shop owner in western Pennsylvania has sold himself a winning $1.8 million lottery ticket — and as the seller of the ticket, he'll get an extra $10,000.

Ron Rea owns Tobacco World stores in Uniontown and Belle Vernon. He bought the winning ticket for the Nov. 18 Match 6 Lotto drawing at the Belle Vernon store.

Rea says he doesn't play the lottery's Daily Number, but he spends about $20 a day on tickets for games with higher odds, telling the Herald-Standard of Uniontown, "If you hit, your life's changed."

Rea's ticket was worth $1,782,432. A lottery spokeswoman confirmed Rea's claim to the winning ticket.

The 68-year-old Rea says the winnings will help him and his wife of 38 years, Rita, build their retirement funds.

Giant Jesus in Poland

A statue of Jesus Christ that its builders say will be the largest in the world is fast rising from a Polish cabbage field and local officials hope it will become a beacon for tourists.

The builders expect to attach the arms, head and crown to the robed torso in coming days, weather and cranes permitting, completing a project conceived by local Catholic priest Sylwester Zawadzki and paid for by private donations.

Standing on an artificial mound, the plaster and fibre glass statue will stand some 52 metres (57 yards) when completed, taller than the famous statue of Christ the Redeemer with outstretched arms that gazes over Rio de Janeiro in Brazil, Polish officials say.

The actual statue will measure 33 metres — Zawadzki has said this reflects the fact that Jesus died at 33, according to Christian tradition — and weigh 440 tonnes.

“I’m happy because this project will bring publicity to our town, not only in Poland but also from the global media. Other countries are showing a lot of interest,” said Dariusz Bekisz, mayor of Swiebodzin, a town of about 21,000 people in western Poland some 100 km (60 miles) from the German border.